Fear
by ChalkMuffins
Summary: The fear that one day, he wouldn’t come home with that tired yet radiant smile. Because she knew, everyone knew, one day that was going to happen. No one is impenetrable; all life comes to an end.' SoKai, slightly AU cause it takes place in the future.


**Author's Note: I'm sooooo obscenely rusty. I haven't really written anything siiiince... I really don't know. It's been at least a year, I think. So yeah, this story jumps all over the place. I'm not really sure what I was trying to say since I wrote most of it while I was pretty down and depressed. But then the next day, I finished it and I was super duper chipper so it ended up ending optimistically when I wanted it to be bitter. But eh, whatever. Ew about the dialogue though. I hate writing dialogue. Soooo much. Dx**

**Disclaimer: **All the wonderful characters of KH 1, CoM, 2, 358/2 Days, Coded, & BBS belong to the incredible **Tetsuya Nomura**. Seriously, if I owned all that, Sor & Kai would already be 25 and married, Ri would have his own supa awesome OC, Rox would either be with Axel or Nami, depending on my mood, Demy would be a waaaay big part, everyone would call Zexion Zexy or Zexalicious (or any other variation), Mickey wouldn't be asking for Sora's help evah cause he would be amazingly unreasonably strong and kick everyone's asses at the same time, Xemnas would be Mansex, Axel would never have died, Yuf would be in some kinda wonky love triangle with Squall and Cloud (only in KH, I don't play FF), and do I really need to go on, because I can. Point is, **KINGDOM HEARTS AND EVERYTHING RELATED TO IT DOES NOT BELONG TO ME. **I used to have KH 1, CoM, & 2 but then my friend tried to clean my room and put it somewhere she can't remember. UGHHHHHHHHHH. Dx

* * *

Kairi crossed her arms tight over her torso; worry the dominant emotion on her face. She leaned against the doorframe, her eyes taking in her husband's sleeping form. Even in sleep, he couldn't completely relax. To someone who didn't know him well, he looked to be completely relaxed. But Kairi knew. Every night, she could see he was reliving his teen years over and over: years of stolen childhood, years that would never be given back. He had been forced to kill or be killed, a choice that many never experienced in their entire lifetime.

Years of fighting for others had taken its toll on him. His hands were coarse with the calluses he acquired training to protect others. The once smooth skin of his torso was now distorted with crisscrossing scars that formed a once deadly illustration splattered with crimson. His eyes, though still the same smiling deep blue of the ocean, had lost their innocent spark. So much of his life killing, and so much time spent around the darkest of evils had diminished that element of optimism that made him who he was. Because time and time again, the king asked for his assistance. So time and time again, he complied. But with each journey, another part of him fell apart.

Kairi closed her eyes, leaning her head against the doorframe. He was still the same person; nothing about his personality had changed. But there was this somber, guilty air about him. Because he knew everyday could be his last. They had found him at his home before, and he knew they could find him again; they could find anyone eventually. Starting a family was something he had once vehemently opposed. This had confused her immensely when she had seen the glow of happiness surrounding him when she told him she was pregnant. She never understood why he protested so profusely about having children until their baby girl, their little angel had gone out to play one morning and hadn't come back that night. She saw the heart stopping fear in his eyes; the fear that she remembered seeing when he had thought he had lost her not too many years before. She saw the possibilities rushing through his head. Had their daughter been kidnapped? Was it the same group who had taken his wife back when they had only just been reunited? What if it was someone else, someone cold and hard and ruthless? Someone who wouldn't mind torturing a child to get to her parent?

And she had finally understood. Behind the sweet, goofy boy that he would always be in her heart, he was still the keyblade master. He would always be the top of many hit lists out there in the ever-distant worlds. It was near impossible to defeat him. But it was one of the easiest things in the world to lure in a child. Despite the vast amount of protection spells he had asked Merlin to cast around their home, it would never be enough. Because their child was as stubborn as both her parents put together, and she would always find her way out of the safety of their home. And he still made more enemies to this very day.

She had asked the king to stop, even begged him. But even she couldn't find an argument to his reason: all the worlds' safety rested on her husband's already heavily burdened shoulders. She knew he was struggling. She knew he had been since the very beginning when he had woken up in some unknown alley, alone. No one, not even the keyblade master, could hold themselves together for that long with that great of a load. He had changed in little ways, managing that incredible weight by adjusting parts of his life and personality. But if he kept it up, he'd change so much, too much, and would be robbed of his life forever.

She shuffled to the kitchen softly, trying to be as silent as possible. She sat on one of the three chairs surrounding the smooth mahogany table and clenched her fists. Lying on the table was a single sheet of paper from King Mickey. Her eyes focused on the words, rereading what had already been burned into her memory simply because of the amount of times the letter had found its way to her husband. It was a request for Sora's help. Donald and Goofy would fly to Destiny Islands in a brand new Gummi Ship at 6 in the morning and take him to Disney Castle so the king could fill him in on what problem was going on in what world.

Kairi's eyes drifted over to the clock on the coffee maker. It was 4:30 in the morning; in one hour and thirty minutes he would be gone. She sighed, glaring at the letter. They had received it the day before while they were at the beach, having a party for their daughter. She folded her arms and lay her head down on the table, closing her eyes and trying to calm down. She could never sleep the night they got those letters. She couldn't be near him, or let him hold her until just before he left. She shivered, knowing the reason for her constant insomnia. He wasn't the only one that felt that endless, heart stopping fear. The fear that one day, he wouldn't come home with that tired yet radiant smile. Because she knew, everyone knew, one day that was going to happen. No one is impenetrable; all life comes to an end. Even the life belonging to the seemingly perpetual keyblade master would come to an end somehow.

"What's wrong, Kai?" She sat up at the sound of his groggy voice, turning in her seat. Her eyes traced over the pronounced zigzagged pattern of scars over his bare chest. She stretched her arms out towards him, running her fingers over each line gently. She outlined them slowly; her eyebrows furrowed in concentration as if she were trying to decipher a story of what she had missed when he was gone. He stared down at her in disoriented confusion, having just woken up to an empty bed. He mentally shook off the remaining drowsiness and caught her hands in his own. She looked up at him, her eyes probing for some hidden answer she hadn't found in the tale his scars had shown her. He kneeled, keeping their hands together, and let her continue her silent search. She trembled slightly, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"Please don't go," she pleaded, wrapping her shaking arms around him. He blinked, confused once again. "Please stop going. I don't know how long I can take this. I'm going prematurely gray worrying about you." A small smile tugged the corners of his lips up and he returned the embrace, his large form enveloping her and stopping her quivering easily.

"Kai, you know why I have to keep going. You talked to the king personally." He kept his voice in a low, comforting tone. "I can't live my life knowing everyday people are dying because I didn't help."

"I know," she said in a small voice, closing her eyes against the tears beginning to form. "But I thought I'd give it a try."

"I'll always be here, Kai. Even when I'm not." She lifted her head, raising an eyebrow at him.

"You just contradicted yourself, Sor." He blushed, scratching the back of his head and looking away. Despite the worry churning in her stomach, a smile managed to push itself onto her face.

"I just- that's not what I- well what I was trying to say was-" Kairi laughed, interrupting his embarrassed attempt at an explanation.

"I get it," she replied, grinning. "I just love seeing you get so flustered." He pouted, childishly sticking his tongue out at her.

"Oh yeah? What was I trying to say?" he asked stubbornly.

"Even if you're not here physically, you'll always be in my heart. And I'll always be I yours," she answered, breaking his hold around her and intertwining their fingers. "After all, you're the keyblade master and I'm a Princess of Heart. Our lives will always be twisted onto the same strand." He grinned at her, nuzzling her nose with his own.

"I knew there was a reason I married you. You're so eloquent!" he exclaimed, sweeping her into his arms and spinning her around. She laughed, holding onto him tight.

"Of course that's the only reason, right?"

"Of course!"

The kitchen door creaked open to reveal a young girl with reddish-brown hair and eyes the color of the ocean. Her arms were crossed over her chest, an angry pout adorning her lips.

"Mommy, Daddy, I understand that you love each other and wanna spend every moment possible together till Daddy leaves and blah blah blah," she said in a bored voice, rolling her eyes. "But some people in this house don't get up every morning at 5 full of energy like freaks." Sora smirked, putting Kairi down and grabbing his daughter before she could react and spun her very much like he had been spinning his wife just a few moments ago.

Kairi watched the two dance around the kitchen and felt a smile spread on her face. She wouldn't let him break. She knew little moments like these helped lift the load off, even if just a little bit.

He turned to her with a mischievous grin, pulling her into the laughing spinning he had put their daughter in.

Her laughter joined theirs as she lived in the moment, trying to ignore all the 'what ifs' and 'one days' in her mind. For now, she was going to try focusing on today with her husband.


End file.
